dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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