I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
