I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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