Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
