i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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