TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
