And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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