i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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