We're like a lot better than the average bears
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
