dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
