CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
