You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
