I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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