Please, let me fuck your mom
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
