He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
