Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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