You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
