Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
