ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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