You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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