drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
