yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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