meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
