I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
