I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
