We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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