She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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