Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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