Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We are all done wearing pants today
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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