He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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