Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
