I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
