So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
