You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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