a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
