good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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