It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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