so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
