fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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