Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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