I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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