Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
