Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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