I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
