Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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