I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Come share oat with me in your robe
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
