i think my tv is drunk
my vag is so smooth its legendary
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
