If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
