Will you blow on my dice?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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