You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
