i need an iv and a liver transplant
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
