I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
