Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
