what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
