Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
