and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
