this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
