The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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