i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need water and some morals
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
