I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Who died my cat blue again?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
