how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
should my penis look like a turkey
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
