I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
