lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
