38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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