he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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