oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
