i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
