You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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