he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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