it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize