I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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