he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
