the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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