So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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