Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm going to jail i love you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
