Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize