I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
