The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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