ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
