made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
